User talk:Xolah/Story

=Corrections= So I read through this quickly. It's a good first person story so far, and you've really shown some light on your character. I did find some grammar problems, though. I probably didn't catch them all, but I can show you a few so that you can fix them. Some you may want to check though, I may not know as much about grammar as I think I do.

"...harm in his name, to Rob in his name and to be his..."
 * "Rob" should not be capitalized.

"...and I was the gods’ voice here."
 * It should be "god’s" since you are referring only to Cezil.

"I have stolen and pillaged and I live eternal..."
 * Change "eternal" to "eternally," perhaps?

"...night and never stumbled into his temple"
 * This should end in a colon.

"...of the living and I look like this"
 * This should also end in a colon.

"...as I approach I feel The Ones eyes upon me..."
 * After "approach," add a comma. "The Ones" should be "The One's."

"...in Cezils name, I have been granted a vision, I must find the dark helm of Cezil, The mythological helm that Cezil stole..."
 * "Cezils" should be "Cezil’s", after "name" the comma should really be a period. The comma after "vision" should either be a period or colon. "The" should not be capitalized. "Mythological" is a little iffy for me. Perhaps "mythical" would be a better word.

"...day will come when I Cezil shall choose to reveal what I must do, I must believe for if I don't I am dead."
 * I’m assuming the "I" before "Cezil" was accidental. It should be removed if so. The comma after "do" would be better suited period, and there should be a comma after "don’t."

About the pictures, I believe The General meant to have you resize the images and then upload them again, because as they are now, even though they appear small on your page, they still take up the same ammount of space on the server. You can resize images in Paint or some more powerful image editors (PSP, Adobe Photoshop, Macromedia Fireworks, etc) -- 14:19, 19 September 2006 (PDT)
 * It's easier for me to just write stuff and start thoughts/projects and have someone I trust to correct it. The moderation team here is very good and has been very helpful. Could someone please make these changes that were suggested?

Thank you 03:52, 5 December 2006 (PST)